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Grieving the Loss of a Loved One: A Guide for Family
Members and Friends
In addition to our team of medical professionals, Community
Hospices has a support network of trained spiritual
and bereavement counselors to help you and your loved
ones as you navigate your grief journey. We have created
the following guide to provide you with an overview
of what to expect during the grieving process and resources
to help you during this difficult time.
What to Expect
Grief is the natural reaction to the loss of a loved
one. Highly personal and complex, grief affects people
very differently. Regardless of the dynamics and
symptoms of your grief, remember that there is no
one “right” way to grieve. You have a
right to grieve in your own way and at your own pace.
Be kind to yourself. Try to avoid comparing your
reactions to those of your family members and friends.
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The First Few Months
Grieving typically involves a wide array of emotions
that vary in duration and intensity. In order to
recognize these symptoms and begin the healing process
it is helpful to understand some of the most common
reactions to grief.
The most common initial response to the loss of a
loved one is a combination of disbelief, shock and
denial. For example, you may have difficulty believing
that your loved one has really died. You also may experience
real physical reactions including hollowness in the
stomach, tightness in the chest and throat, insomnia,
difficulty breathing and/or fatigue.
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Other Symptoms of Grief
After some time has passed, you will likely be able
to begin coping with the death of your loved one.
During this phase of the grieving process you may
encounter some of the following symptoms:
- Emotional: Emotional responses to grief include guilt, depression,
anxiety, loneliness, anger, resentment
and/or feelings of helplessness and emptiness.
- Physical:
Physical reactions to grief include pain, appetite
disturbances, dizziness and/or decreased
sex drive.
- Mental: Our minds are profoundly affected by the
loss of a loved one. As you grieve, you may experience
confusion, disbelief, insecurity, regret and/or have difficulty
concentrating.
- Spiritual: Grieving often has a direct
impact on our faith. Some individuals question
their core beliefs
after the death of a loved one, while others express
anger that their loved one was not saved. It may
be helpful to seek support from members of your religious
community as you work through the spiritual side
of your grief.
If you are concerned about your health or any of the
symptoms that you are experiencing, contact your primary
physician.
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Grieving as a Family
When a loved one dies, his or her family and network
of friends enters a period of mourning. During this
time, roles, responsibilities and relationships may
change. While everyone grieves the loss of a loved
one, individuals express this grief in various ways.
It is important to remember that everyone is entitled
to the right to grieve in his or her own way.
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Special Needs of Grieving Children
Children often have many of the same reactions and
needs as adults in mourning. Yet most children do
not know how to communicate the sadness, anger, guilt,
fear or other emotions they may be experiencing.
Children need to be able to express their emotions
in an environment where they feel physically and
emotionally safe. Support groups created specifically
to meet children’s distinct grieving needs
can be a helpful resource. Confidential support groups
are facilitated by certified grief counselors who
are skilled at helping children share their feelings
and learn coping skills so they can come to terms
with their loss.
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Ways to Help Yourself and Your Loved Ones
Grieving can be a long process that affects every area
of your life. Following are some tips on how to help
yourself and your loved ones as you mourn:
- Schedule Time to Grieve
Ignoring your grief will not make it better; in fact,
it may make it worse. Set aside time for reflection,
treat yourself with patience and kindness and remember
that some days will be better than others.
- Communicate
Remember to communicate openly and honestly about
your grief. Reach out to family and friends for
support.
They have experienced the loss as well and it can
be a time of increased closeness and understanding
as you open up about your feelings. Try actively
listening to friends and family members and make
an effort to understand their emotions and reactions.
- Take
Care of Yourself
Grieving can be physically, mentally, emotionally
and spiritually draining. Eating well, exercising
regularly
and getting plenty of rest will give you the energy
you need to take care of yourself.
- Show Tolerance and
Understanding
During this time it is important to accept each other’s
differences and promote an atmosphere in which family
members and friends feel comfortable articulating their
emotions and sharing their struggles and triumphs.
You may want to plan periodic get-togethers to show
support for one another. Do not hesitate to ask how
someone is doing, even though they may need some time
alone to cope with their loss. Never assume that a
loved one is doing well just because he or she does
not talk about the loss.
- Take Time to Grieve
There are no fixed timetables or shortcuts when
it comes to the grieving process. Since an
individual experiences grief in his or her own
way and at his
or her own pace, be patient and give others, as
well as yourself, time to heal. Tears can be
very therapeutic.
Try to avoid making any major life-altering
changes or decisions within the first year following
a loss.
For example, do not feel hurried or rushed to sort
through a loved ones’ personal items. Instead,
talk with other supportive family members and try to
make decisions together.
- Join a Support Group and/or
Meet with a Bereavement Counselor
Support groups offer a place to receive comfort,
reassurance and support. Meeting with a Community
You and your
family members may want to consider meeting with
a hospices bereavement counselor who is specially
trained
to help people cope with grief as issues or struggles
related to your grief arise.
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GRIEF RITUALS
How Grief Rituals Can Help
Rituals are an important part of life. While we often
associate rituals with milestones or celebrations
such as birthdays, anniversaries and graduations,
rituals can also have an important place in the grieving
process.
Creating a ritual to remember your loved one allows
you a way to act on your grief in a constructive way.
Some people plan rituals in honor of a loved one’s
birthday or shared anniversary. Others chose to express
their grief through small weekly rituals.
You may choose to include others in your ritual or
to make it a private affair. Consider whom you wish
to include in your ritual, as well as where you would
like it to take place. Keep in mind that a meaningful
spot is far more important than a convenient one. Following
are some suggestions of rituals to remember your loved
one:
Sample Grief Rituals
- Light
a candle at certain special times of day to remind
you of your loved one (e.g. in the morning
when you
both ate breakfast or later in the day, when you
often watched your favorite television shows together)
- Create
a memory scrapbook and fill it with photographs,
letters, postcards, etc., from your life together
- Spend
time listening to your loved one’s favorite
CD
- Continue a tradition that you shared with your
loved one
- Plant a tree or flowers
in your loved one’s
memory or make a donation to a charity that your
loved one
supported
- Visit your loved one’s
burial site
Not Sure Where to Begin?
Interested in creating a ritual to remember your loved
one but not sure where to begin? Community Hospices
offers a team of bereavement and spiritual counselors
dedicated to helping the families and friends of
the patients we serve. Our counselors can help you
think through a way to implement a meaningful, appropriate
ritual that pays tribute to your loved one. You can
meet with a counselor in person, either in our offices
or at your home. We can also assist you over the
phone if you prefer. Please contact Georgia Robertson
at 202-895-0124 or by email grobertson@communityhospices.org.
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